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Readers Respond: Breaking Free from Toxic Relationships

Responses: 44

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Share Post: Were you involved in a relationship that was more hurtful than loving? Were you able to break free and begin forming healthier relationships? What life lessons did you learn? Are you okay now? Or are you still struggling?

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Alcoholic sister

My younger sister has been jealous of me since we were children. She is now 47 and a raging alcoholic. She has a wonderful husband and two young children. She has cheated on her husband numerous times over the years and most recently with a man she met online. He is 64 years old, twice divorced and from another state. Her husband finally had enough of her drinking, raging, cheating and lies. Within the past 2 months she has been in the hospital 4 times to detox with IV's and also in a 30 day treatment facility. Last week she crashed her car and got a DUI. Yesterday she went to the hospital again to detox. She also got fired from her job of 20 years for being drunk at work. All that said, she is blaming me for her misery! I live a thousand miles away, have a wonderful relationship and two grown children who are both quite successful. She has accused me of wanting her husband, actually of hitting on her husband. I've helped her financially over the years. Thankless woman.
—Guest Wendy

Risky Relationships

I will always struggle with the idea of letting someone close to me whether it is a boss, neighbor, pastor, a lover or friend and especially family. Everything about me is unpredictably predictable. I am the stereotypical youngest of three, that Midwest girl that left home, love it but moved home to deal with my past rather than run from it again. My family annoys me because they do not understand it. They admire, but are always thinking they know what is best for me based off what I was ten-fifteen years ago. I loved how my significant other explained it, “That is how it is supposed to be.” Never have I heard it so simple like that. For many years I slowly let go of toxic friendships, which was 98 percent of them, only to see now that I would give my attention to anyone who gave it. What I learned the hard way was to treat all my relations as 50/50 but emotionally never let anyone close to me. It was too risky. It is either they are close up and personal all in your business.
—thatonemembername

Screwed Up Sister

My sister is still best friends with the girl who tried to beat me up and who stole my boyfriend. I feel betrayed.
—Guest Anon

fed up mom

These stories have been so helpful in learning how to handle my completely narcissistic adult children. Nothing is ever good enough for them-communication,gifts,home cooked meals.never appreciated. As the other moms shared, we gave our lives for them only to remain verbally abused, disrespected and void of love,caring,family.
—Guest Eileen56

v upset

I have 2 older sisters that want to control everything going on in my life. they twist things and talk behind my back.They are critical of me and have absolutely no boundaries. They wont take any responsibilty and keep saying i am isolating myself from them. I just cant bear it. I totally feel smothered. any advice?
—Guest molly

Toxic Narcissistic Mother

Wow! Amazing! This site give me some hope. I'm 27 years old and deaf woman who is currently dealing with her toxic alcoholic, narcissistic drama queen mother. She has been mentally and emotionally abusive toward to me. She has done a horrible thing to me by such calling DHHS and took my son away at 3 wks at age, and I was in a crazy abusive relationship with my 3 children (two different fathers); which I lost them in my custody due to their manipulative behavior. The major reason I lost my children is because of my mother's actions. She would make everyone to believe her lie (which i later discovered her extreme lying habit) instead of believing me. She would try to make me look like I am an idiot person and being co-depending on her which it her sick pleasure. So, I'm trying so hard to succeed in my life by going to college and recovering from these abuses.
—Guest Shauna

Breaking Free

I cut off contact with a toxic ex a couple of months ago. We had reconnected after several years and were trying to be friends. In the meantime, I had met and married a very good man. After one particular email, it suddenly dawned on me that my ex was being manipulative and that maintaining a healthy, honest friendship would be impossible. When I realized how emotionally abusive he was, I was extremely angry. It was enough to convince me to finally stand up for myself. I called him on all of his B.S. (albeit in a calm and dignified manner), said goodbye, and blocked his emails so I wouldn't have to read his angry response. Once the worst of my own anger subsided, I spent a few days terrified that somehow he would harm me. I hadn't realized until then that I harbored any fear of him. I still think of him too often, but I love myself too much to go back to him and have learned to truly love the wonderful man in my life who treats me with respect. My heart is finally healing.
—Guest Emily

BEWARE of Toxic persons ganging

Seriously sick persons ganged with deliberate manipulation with a sociopath in an attempt to kill/seriously injure me to gain financially. The plan by these older women nearly worked; evil wreaked havoc and I feel compelled to warn others of the evil of con men/women who will seek destruction of others of whom they are jealous . Alone, these women who live in other states (CA, OH, & NV) would not have been as effective alone; it was collective active use of their evil that brought such impact. Never underestimate an energy vampire, sociopath/con artist, and protect ones self with armor of God and every legal means possible. Breaking the cord ties is essential; sure these miserable beings would want me dead...and breaking these ties..letting go, protection and knowing that God is dealing with them...and seeing how this has been exposed and neutralized by His Spirit w prayer and His Divine Mercy is awesome.
—Guest wizernow

Maybeitsyou

About Toxic Niece: More information is needed. Maybe she is the only honest one in the family. Maybe the entire family is toxic and she is speaking out and she is scapegoated for doing so. Why is she blaming? What happened to her? Why is she playing victim? Was she a victim? Was she victimized? Why would you bury her picture? Did she say something bad about you? Sometimes the family will gang up on one person who was actually hurt. These people are silent partners to the abuser and they despise the victim for speaking out because the victim is rocking the boat. The Niece could be a bully or she could be someone who spoke the truth and is now being punished for it.
—Guest Maybeitsyou

Am I toxic to myself now

I spent almost forty years in nurturing and basically good relationships until the last six years now I am completely infatuated by a man much younger than myself and he isn't attracted to me the same way and this is a first for me. I wonder if the last abusive relationship I was in, and there was only one, hasn't damaged me somehow. Maybe I'm projecting this towards the one I care so deeply for now. Have I become toxic to myself?
—Guest Stormy enchantress

My sister was so jealous she was toxic

She turned my whole familly against me with awful lies or start rows and blame me. Now I have no family and hate her.
—Guest daphney

"YOU" be the master

Guest Susan: He is a 'master' at being an idiot. :) Nothing more. You have to take your power back. You give him credit where no credit is due. People who do not know who they are will bleed you till there is no blood left IF you allow it. The only person that validates and defines who you are is YOU. Period. That goes for everyone here. Everyone here has a right to take their lives back, even from family members. Once you've done your best there is nothing else you can do. The rest is up to them. You need to let them go, otherwise, we continue to enable them to remain weak. I had to let my brother go, emotionally detach, because I have done everything I can for him, the rest is up to him, not me. Family or not family, there is only so much we can give to others until we have to let them go. The only person we can all count on is "ourselves." That goes for everyone. I will be of no use to another human being if I don't have my own Truth in tact within myself FIRST.
—Guest Corinne

Toxic Family - Dirtbag Magnet

I come from a toxic family and was codependent up until I was old enough to know better. My parents are both controllers emotionally and my mother was a mental abusing narcissist. I was married very young to get away from the madness at home and the mental abuse. Since they raised me to be so codependent financially and mentally, I had to move back in after divorcing my first husband/no children. Back under their control, I suffered from severe depression and was a dirtbag magnet even though I was very worthy of men who "had it together." It was almost like they could see I had low self worth and I hated it. Several years later, I found a wonderful, confident man with self esteem and they don't like him, because he has changed me into a better person. Even though they try to drag me down to their level if I try to succeed at something, they still try to force doubt in my mind and my abilities. Contact has been lowered a great deal so I can stay healthy.
—butterflywhisper

Help! Master of Toxicity Wore Me Out!

I was best friends with a man from work for two years. He treated me like a princess. I was the only one left after two years of listening to him for 1 million hours trying to figure out why this girl toyed with him back and forth. I knew we had a very strong emotional bond. Well about 9 months ago we had sex, I felt like I was falling in love with him. We started dating. The toxic behavior that was always there started coming out in all the subtle ways, the insults, throwing all of your faults in your face. How he never does anything wrong its always me and my insecurity that causes the problems. I gave the relationship 100 % of me. He completely wore me out physically and emotionally until I thought I was losing my mind. I am breaking it up. I do work in the psychiatry field so I know too much. How do I win, I can't bare the thought of everybody thinking this is all me. He is a master.
—Guest Susan

Ma Tipanna

I was born into an alcoholic family, my dad abused my Mother physically before they divorced. I was the oldest in a new generation and gifted with a lot of talent that I never developed because I had lost my voice and was afraid. I developed asthma, was rescued by my beloved grandparents while my younger brother went to live with my then sober dad and his new wife. After my grandparents died, I had no extended family and I blindly attracted cold, selfish men. As a result I ended up on welfare with three children. Then I met the most toxic person who never wanted to marry me or live with me but was dependent on his sister until she died at the age of 100. He is 15 years older than I am, thank goodness we never married. He is the ultimate passive aggressive, closed-in cold person. It's now 31 years after we had our son, my youngest. I am not close to any of my children or grandkids since they all moved away from me one way or another. I live with my two Australian Shepherds.
—Guest Deanna
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