From the article: Cutting Cords to Toxic Relationships
Share Post: Were you involved in a relationship that was more hurtful than loving? Were you able to break free and begin forming healthier relationships? What life lessons did you learn? Are you okay now? Or are you still struggling? Share Your Experiences
Learn to unlearn toxicity
- I was emotionally, physically and sexually abused. A mother who preached the Bible at home but broke every rule. She demanded loyalty and obedience or I faced the hot iron rod. Father was working and never home. I was the black sheep and my mother made my siblings watch me be hit till filled with bruises. Hated her and the church and all my siblings too. I left home at 14 and never returned. I never saw her again. All my sisters were raped by abusive men and one brother ended up in jail for beating his wife. What I am most afraid of now, is who I am today. Though it is in the past, it is still embedded in my mind's-eye. Every trigger and intolerance are the more reasons to get mental health. So I did! Completely broke away from the family, continuing therapy, medication & building a healthy boundary with my spouse. Sharing who I am what I can take and cannot, be honest and processed-oriented. It took guts to face the past and not contribute any part of my toxicity to anyone!
- —Guest Lighting up my own way!
Toxic mother stole my life
- My mother stole my life my education and chased my sisters away. I NEVER WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL EVER because SHE WAS DEPRESSED!!! Now at age 20 the only thing I know how to do is to cook and clean. But soon I will have my diploma and I WILL ESCAPE!!! soon I will never have to depend on her ever again soon I will be able to chase my dreams to take the path I want and I will NEVER live my life for someone else ever again! the only downside is I still want to see my father because he has always loved and when I mess up he never shames me he is the best father in the whole world. When I go I will not miss my mother at all but I will cry when I think of my father being with that horrible woman.
- —Guest makedanoise
- I feel your pain. I am a good person with a horrible sister who is so cunning it's frightening. My dad and I used to be best friends but through her masterful lies and my gullibility to them I fell right into her trap of deception. Now my dad thinks I'm the problem vs my sister and stepmother who are the same age and hate me. He can't see through their lies and even if he did he wouldn't confront them because it would mean seeing them for who they are and what they've done to me and he'd rather live in the denial. I guess it's safer. I pray for peace and for God to help and intervene or to teach me how to let the pain go. She tells me upsetting things about my dad and I get worried and ask if he's ok and tells me the things I'm told are untrue but when she's confronted she denies saying anything at all to me and I end up looking like the crazy one to my dad who I love so much. Why would any person with a soul want to destroy such a precious relationship I can't understand.
- —Guest A good person
Get your Narda On
- It's tough when the toxic person is a family member for sure. To keep from drawing new negative people into your life, learn about your nardar--that gut reaction when you meet someone who will end up hurting you. End guilibility. Get wise. Learn to trust those signals that say "Beware."
- —Guest Lynne Namka
Betrayed and Saddened
- Time to cut the ties with little brother. Could never have imagined he would lie to cut me out of Fathers life and inheritance. thought that was just lifetime movies. Now I understand the definition of a narcissist. This cut off is for the sanity of my family. Hope u enjoy all the money! When it runs out I still have the love of family. I'm sorry for you.
- —Guest MMF
Things Do Get Better
- After almost everyone in my immediate family growing up not only turned their backs on me at age 13 but to make matters worse, my dad took the divorce out on me, calling me horrible names and left me feeling at fault. My sister was always a bully. She would never admit it but all my life she has shown her hatred and jealousy towards me, probably just for the fact I was born, who knows. By this time I surrounded myself in toxic relationships with this strange sense of distrust yet loyalty to never turn my back on anyone because I knew how that felt. My dad passed on Christmas eve 2010. My sister naturally blamed everyone else, putting on a show because she had guilt and it was well deserved because she thinks it's cool to treat people like garbage. I talked to my so-called best friend telling him what happened and he proceeded to not only not come to my dad's funeral but not even answer a text message until after it was over. Meanwhile, my sister convinced herself and everyone that my dad meant for the money he saved for us to have equally all of his life was meant to only be given to her oldest daughter simply because my dad laughed and called her his little partner. Things were up side down and only getting worse. It was only later I realized this all made me stronger than ever and with persistence and getting to know God things would change for the better. This is not whoa is me, this is the truth. Things do get better, even in the midst of total insanity there is something better to be. I hope one day someone looks at this and, it helps. I don't put my happiness in someone else's hands, it's up to me. I trust my own judgement and could care less what anyone thinks or says about it. It's a freedom to know and believe God knows my heart and he knows the truth, all the rest will fall together from just knowing these simple things to be true and take action!
- —Guest leo
Important Lesson is to Let Go
- After having most people in my immediate circle not only turn their backs on me, but bully me on top of it, life was like a blur. Growing up I got this sense of extreme loyalty for all the wrong people and I paid the price for it. Another most important lesson is to let go. It took me 20 years and I still haven't mastered it. I have been taken advantage of, always being the "counseler" the one that will be there no matter what because I knew how it felt to have nobody. The thing is, I was surrounded by narcissists with no feelings. In this circle you're crazy for having feelings! Eventually this left me emotionally bankrupt and feeling that there was no hope. My dad just died at Christmas, my sister was making herself and everyone believe the money of this man that was always fair in that way, went to only her oldest daughter, my so-called best friend didn't even answer a text after my dad died or bothered to come to the funeral. Things were turned upside down, it felt like yet another tragic circumstance I was "victim" to. Now, after what felt like a fight for my life, I realized God could not come in until all of these familiar dysfunctional behaviors and feelings were exposed. After persistence and work and a continuing life lesson everyday, I feel grateful for this.
- —Guest leo
separating from toxic family
- I am 30. I moved out at thirteen when our lives were turned upside down by divorce, addiction and mental illness. I was the youngest and was left behind. I went to live with a relative who was a recovering crack addict but who still did drugs. Even with all the faults and suffering of her own of serious mental illness, she was the very only one who stepped up to help me. Needless to say, I haven't had a lot of experience with good choice making! It has been a struggle for years, even though I managed to graduate high school and always have good jobs there was an underlying problem all the time. Finally, I'm realizing just how crazy this all really was and try to heal. I don't want to turn my back on my mother and sister but as I go on with my journey I can see more and more this may be necessary. I still don't know how to trust and form relationships, but I will. I hold myself accountable for my own bad decision making now. I'm nobody's victim. That's the first step, focus on me.
- —Guest leo
- My narcissistic, psychopathic SiL who married my beautiful, gentle brother 16 years ago, cyber bullied me to my whole family just because I asked her to cease interfering in issues between my brother & I. She was so embarrassed by it, belittled by this polite but firm confrontation that she made sure her retaliation was severe, long-lasting, defamatory, powerful in that she desired for my whole family to gang up against me. They didn't. Amaxing how she sent these hateful, volcanic texts & emails yet she told my family she intended to "block" ME! so cunning & psychopathic as I am far from a bully. In fact, she showed my family her true toxic colours. Now the challenge is to avoid her at all costs. It's a tragedy when families and lives are hijacked by these nasty, controlling SiLs who think they can just come on in to a family & ruin lives. May we all be able to find the strength to stand up to them & may people see their behaviour & speak out boldly against it when they see it.
- —Guest Molly
- I have a friend who always turn people against me everytime and when she is lonely she comes back to me again. I try to end our friendship and always feels sorry for her because most of our colleagues hate her attitude and behaviour, I'm crying as I'm writting this because she lied and told my best friend that I'm secrectly having an affair with her husband. I don't know why I never learn and leave her in peace.
- —Guest Lineo
- i will try to make it short. i want to cut the ties with my sister. I was adopted at birth and now I'm 13. and she was at 9, 2 years ago.. my mom hates her. My dad is depressed and you hate her. She is a brat. She had 100000000 brain problems. I think she needs mental help. she is immature and she doesn't know how to act like a person. I wish I was old enough to cut the ties! How old ?? My parents want to go back in time. she steals from us.
- —Guest friendly
- I call my sister "The Smiling Assassin". She has health issues and has been addicted to pain killers for years, although in the past few years she has managed to get off them. I use to take her to various organisations to try and help her, but it was all in vain. I have made bad choices in my life and have been in two abusive relationships. When I got out of these relationships, she kept in touch with my abusers and even let them in and out of her house behind her husband's back. Recently I got rid of a friend who was stealing off me and again, I have reason to believe she is in contact with him. She has recently started a friendship with a women who lives in the same area as my ex husband and I have reason to believe that she is passing information to him. She has been pretending to be a caring sister, gathering information about me and passing it on. I believe my life will be in danger when my mum finally passes away. I have no money to get away and have to put my trust in God.
- —Guest Button Moon
Walked Away from Family
- My sister turned my whole family against me with her lies. The more I tried to convince my family she lied about me the more they believed her. I walked away a year ago as it almost ruined my life. It hurts still but I had to let go for my own sanity. I thought she was my best friend and I looked up to her as my big sis xxxxx
- —Guest Liar liar
Toxic Psycho Sister
- My sister was enabled her whole life starting with our grandma, and aunt. Because my dad was a sociopath who abused mom, me and my sister, our family bent over backward to pay attention to my drama queen sister. She has psychiatric problems from my dad's abuse, but she learned very early that she got attention from playing his "victim" and the more screwed up she was, the more everyone danced around to please her. Because I adjusted better after the damage my dad left than she did, I was invisible. I tried to make the family proud by using my talents, but instead of encouraging my healthy development, they criticized me. They didn't think I was devoted enough to my sister. They didn't care that she beat me up regularly and lied constantly. She was/is jealous of me and poisoned my relationships with them. They're dead and gone and she still finds people to turn against me. She kept me and my family away from mom. She lies to her husband and kids about me. I can't take it. I feel cheated.
- —Guest Cheated Sister
Toxic childhood redeemed by animals
- I was raised as the scapegoat by a family of sociopaths. I was the black sheep and constantly belittled and accused of wrong. After being spanked and locked in closets/rooms etc. I found our dog. He loved me. That was the beginning, after that I realized that all animals seemed to watch and respond to me kindly. Eventually, I found that some humans were somewhat similar to animals. Now, I live with my real family, animals and some humans that understand. We avoid angry people. Find a humane society, they need us and they will not betray.
- —Guest wigglyfriend
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