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My Girlfriend Is Getting Tired of Me Not Trusting Her

Ask An Intuitive Life Coach


Reader Question: I really want to change the way I react. It's totally crazy, but when I don't hear back from a text or phone call to my girlfriend, who tells me all the time how much she appreciates me, I immediately go into a story in my head that she must not like me anymore. I imagine her talking with other guys, and get angry and nauseous. I know this is not about her. She's awesome. She is getting tired of me not trusting her. Is there anything I can do?

Response from Anandra: Dear Brian, It sounds like you already know your modus operandi pretty well and are ready to try something new. Awesome! (I had a similar question previously (see I'm Afraid I'll Be Cheated On)

In this case, I'd suggest circumventing the whole mental merry-go-round of guessing what she might be doing, and tap straight into the feelings and needs that arise from the circumstance. When she doesn't reply, and you notice yourself getting anxious, stick with the feeling. "I feel... tense, uncomfortable, agitated, nauseous..."

Then use the feelings to go deeper. What are those feelings pointing to? What universal quality is missing from the picture, that you'd like to be experiencing fully? What do you really want? What are you yearning for?

I'd guess it is acknowledgement, to be seen, to be valued... Ironic, isn't it, that the same thing you enjoyed such fullness with is the exact thing you're missing? Hmmmm...

Now, it's time to take responsibility to access that fullness within yourself. The grand secret is that awareness of the yearning for a particular quality (i.e. acknowledgment, etc.) is the gateway to accessing it in yourself, from the universal Self, Source. Rather than appear to get it from your lover, I dare say it is MORE fulfilling to realize you're yearning for it in your external life, and then learn to access the fullness inside.

It sounds like you're ready for that.

It certainly liberates your loved ones from jumping through your hoops, and allows them to joyfully contribute to your fullness - fullness being added to fullness, icing on the cake - rather than being roped into pacifying your insecurities and lack. That's no fun for her. (And the catch-22 here is that she is repelled by the obligation, further fueling the cycle of lack... Let's not go there! :)

I wish you all the best. I hope this relationship will help you polish the mirror so that what is reflected for you, inside and out, is your True Self.

Anandra, Intuitive Life Coach

Disclaimer: Anandra's advice is not meant to override your personal health providers' recommendations/prescriptions, but is intended to offer a new perspective and encourage your inner wisdom to guide the best course of action.

Each week, we invite a different intuitive to answer a question from a reader. If you'd like to submit a question for Anandra please email her directly.

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