- Arrogant, Argumentative
- Short-tempered, Combative
- Need to Always be Right (Conceited)
- Perfectionist, Nit-Picking
- Being the Victim, Always Blaming the Other Guy
- Selfish, Miserly
- Stubborn, Rigid (Inflexible), Narrow-mindedness
- Vain, Prideful (Haughty)
- Humorless, Inability to Laugh at Yourself
Struggling With Character Flaws
A couple of my personal character flaws have been rearing their ugly heads these past couple of days. I sure thought I had those buggers hidden and out of view. But no, I guess not.
The flaws I'm struggling with are: (1) A need to be in total control and (2) not being able to take criticism kindly, even when those criticisms are intended to be of the "constructive" sort.
These two negative feelings have been oozing like a bloody scab that was picked open and now refuses to heal properly. I realize that this "bloody scab" analogy is not an attractive visual, but it best describes how I'm feeling this moment. Certainly, I'm not keen to have what I view as my human deficiencies bleed out into the open, but here I AM willing to write about them in a public forum. Why? Because I feel that admitting I have these problems may be a good first step toward bringing about changes and perhaps help distance myself from negative patterns. But also, because I'm willing to admit that I do struggle with character flaws, sharing them may ultimately help others to take a closer look at their own inadequacies.
When will I finally learn that the more I hold on to the idea that I must be in control of a particular situation in my life, the more the situation will grow out of control? I often try to remind myself to "let go" or "ease up" while, at the same time, my fists are clenching in defiance against my very desire to change perspectives. I decide to take a few deep breaths, followed by deliberate and steady exhalations, in an attempt to release these pent-up controlling energies that aren't serving me in a positive and productive way. Doing this does help considerably, but, the basic flaw of wanting to hold firmly onto the reins and control everything continues to grip me in varying degrees. Although I am doing better lately, I feel that I still need to work on surrendering over my desire to be in total control because control issues seem to be the cause of unnecessary stress and aggravation in my life.
It is Okay Not to Be Perfect. But, There is Always Room for Improvement
Also, please don't tell me that my way of doing things could be improved on. I KNOW that MY way is the very BEST way already, thank you very much! Okay, you might be right, but why don't you just keep that information to yourself? I don't want to hear anything from you but your praise and adoration. Did I ask you for your opinion? Well, of course I did! But I didn't mean for you to be so brutally honest and hurtful to me in your response. I need to take a step back, you say? Oh, REALLY? Okay, now that I've had a few hours to calm down, I realize that you might be right, but it really galls me to the bone to have to admit it. I really hate this feeling of not being perfect. I am simply uncomfortable ever having to admit that I, infallible ME, might actually be WRONG about something!
The point I'm trying to make here is that I realize that I AM human, that I DO bleed, and that I'm NOT perfect. When I'm in a calmer state of mind, I willingly accept that I can empower myself by striving to make improvements to my overall character. And isn't that just what life is truly all about? Learn to be yourself, accept yourself, AND, if at all possible, progressively make changes towards improving yourself? Each of us can be compared to an artist's unfinished canvas, a work in progress, a potential masterpiece in the making. Yet no masterpiece, or person, is ever quite finished. There seems to always be another stroke of paint for the artist to add, if he really thinks about it long enough. Thus, it is up to each individual to spend some time each day adding or reversing paint strokes onto his or her personal canvas in order to improve on the total picture. Simply put, it's up to each of us how we view ourselves, and, largely, how others see us too.