Let Go of the Prince/Princess Charming Syndrome
We are programmed to believe we need to find the one perfect person to meet all of our needs for the rest of our lives. This is impossible, but many still strive for it and then think they "failed" if their expectations aren't met. Distorted idealism and sky-high expectations set you up for disappointment. Stop looking for the soul mate to fulfill your every need for the rest of your life and, instead, be open to soul mates with whom you are compatible and share chemistry.Reconsider Religious Dogma / Avoid Marrying to Improve a Relationship
(Actual quote from a letter to Stephen and Scott's advice column) "I've been in relationship for 17 years and we are moving in slow motion. We plan on getting married within the next couple months because I feel part of the problem of our stagnation is we are not right with the Lord. I know we love each other but this relationship leaves me feeling so empty most of the time and I feel like I can't seem to leave it." Stephen's Response: I don't believe there is a judging God or that a couple is "living in sin" if they cohabit without marrying. Therefore, the main problem there may be your guilt about something you don`t need to feel guilty about. However, marrying someone to improve a relationship is like gambling to become rich. Most of the time, you will only lose what you had. Marriage can be a wonderful experience, but from what you wrote, it's not appropriate for your situation. Pause, step back and reflect until you become aware of what`s best for you and your partner.Forgive Anyone Who Hurt You
Do yourself a favor and forgive and release everyone who has ever hurt you. You'll remain trapped until you do. Forgiveness isn't about letting the person who hurt you off the hook. It's about releasing the anger and resentment or guilt that you harbor within, so you can get on with your life. This is an on-going process; every time you think of the person or experience, feel the forgiveness until you mean it. Also, try to think of them as your teachers instead of enemies and ask yourself what you needed to learn from the experience.Avoid Blame
We're all mirrors for each other, so you can't blame anyone but yourself.Example 1: "The man I'm dating has a fear of commitment." Ask yourself why you chose (on some level) a person who doesn't want a commitment. He is, in some way, a reflection of you.
Example 2: "The people I date usually want me to change and never like me for me." You're not accepting/loving yourself for who you are and/or you're not being the best you can be in some way (usually appearance or personality).
Example 3: "Everyone I date/all my ex-spouses couldn't be monogamous." If you consciously or subconsciously prefer or need variety, but you repress it, you'll attract someone who'll express it for you.
Article Dateline: 2002
