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Relationship Problems



Commitment is built through change and reaffirmed through change.

Remember, love grows by giving it, releasing it, without limit, without restriction. If you and your partner share true love, you will be unafraid to love, completely, with trust, honesty, fairness, and commitment -- to love that person as you do yourself and, thereby, nurture individual and mutual growth. Ask your partner: What can we do to make our love grow? What should we do, individually and together, to build our relationship?

Each ask and share the answer: What do I need?

Commitment is expressed through dialogue, through sharing thoughts and experiences. It is important to establish basic understandings and realize that they change over time, as experience is accrued. It is important to keep dialogue open and, however uncomfortable, to address and resolve conflicts, changes or developing issues.

Fear and Sabotage

The greatest obstacle to keeping a relationship is fear, fear of losing a relationship that means so much that it can sabotage that relationship by stifling crucial communication, thus spawning more fear and miscommunication.

If you can find peace in a mutual and equal accommodation (even, and maybe especially, if it requires thoughtful sacrifice -- balance -- from both), your love and commitment will grow.

It is imbalance, often through lack of honest communication, that cripples relationships.

If you cannot face these issues, then what is being committed to? Are you willing to limit and shortchange yourself and your partner by not asking and answering these questions honestly?

If you don't face this, expect more dramas.

Remember, we do this work, this study of non-ordinary reality, the realm of spirit, the discovery of the unknown, through alternative, complementary, vibrational or energy medicine, through Reiki, shamanism, Consegrity, or whatever may be our modality, not to escape reality but to discern it more clearly, to accelerate our healing, growth and development, and that of others in our Sacred Circle, and the Earth itself. We each are crucial in The Sacred Hoop of Life. Love is sharing what we have of heart, mind and soul with another, discovering it in ourselves, with newness and aliveness, truly living.


If we accept that challenge, of risk, of trust, of reaching out, we will find setbacks and barriers, but we will find freedom, too. And that is the joy we can hold eternally in ourselves as we step into the next realm. In relationships, we may not find who we are looking for, but we will find who will meet. That is truth. We meet ourselves at every step of the way. For each moment is reality; each moment is a gift, an eternal present; the past is gone, the future not yet.

We can either accept the reality of our surroundings, the relationships that are and the opportunities before us, and participate, discovering ourselves in what the Creator has freely given us, or we can always be looking over the horizon for the imaginary, focusing on the "lack" or incompleteness of the moment, making it our destiny, and fail to recognize the miracles that surround us in the moment, each moment -- which can at any moment transform into new realities of being. To love the moment is to love ourselves and what the Creator has given us, however we may judge it with our tiny consciousness.

If we are open to the Big Mind, the Nagual, the unnamed and unnameable of each moment, we expand ourselves and our opportunities. That is where miracles of all kinds, including miracles of the heart, are born.

We Are Not Perfect Beings

And, as with all things, we must have forgiveness, compassion and prayer. In The Sacred Hoop Of Life, when we see a person through the eyes of spirit, it changes who we both are. Our actions are then determined by spirit, not want, not control, for we are then acting from a position of abundance, from the Source of abundance, the heart, the Mind Of God, and both action and thought have tremendous impact on our environment. Can we find perfection? No. Only perfect being is perfect and we are not perfect beings. Our diversity is in fact our strength. But we can recognize the perfect imperfection of love and relationships in this world of polarity and we can commit to progress in all we do. A hint: It is sometimes hard to let go, but it is easy to step aside and let the Creator take over.

Mitakuye Oyasin!

About This Contributor: Jim Ewing is a Reiki master/teacher and shamanic healer who lives in Lena, Mississippi. Author of Clearing: A Guide to Liberating Energies Trapped in Buildings and Lands

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