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Relationship Problems

How Long Do Relationships Last?

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Relationships generally last as long as they are needed. Some are lifelong relationships; some are not. But as long as we try to cling to a relationship, without growing, it is surely doomed. For relationships that don't grow will inevitably falter on the narrowing base of the balance of experience and expectation. That is the freedom and responsibility of love, true love: respect, honor, freedom, growth ... partnership. It's hard, yes. It's hard to love another, with true love, unconditional love, allowing the other person to be him or herself. But it's hard because it requires we recognize, nourish and commit to our individual love, growth and development, too. How can we give something to someone else that we don't give ourselves? If we love ourselves, our true "self," then we can love others with unbounded passion, since that love comes from the wellspring of the heart, not the expectations of the mind. It is eternal and based on the type of love, unconditional love, that is given by the Creator and reflected all around us.

But if we love with restrictions and "I love this, but not that," which is what we too often do to ourselves, creating and sustaining our shadow self that we reject in and of ourselves, then our love of another will be limited and limiting, as well. And it will be based on deception: betrayal of ourselves; doomed.

All betrayal is ultimately self betrayal. When we refuse to see certain aspects in another or in a situation, it is the denial of that truth that betrays us. No one is perfect. Our love is not perfect, for we are human, not God (though we each have the Divine within us and are co-creators). But we can seek to use the mirrors of our relationships as roadmaps to progress in ourselves.

Where awareness goes, consciousness follows and manifestation of being is born.

An Unbalanced Relationship Cannot Stand

Balance in a relationship reflects the balance of care for ourselves. If we are too selfish, we cannot find sustaining love; if we are too selfless, we cannot find sustaining love. An unbalanced relationship cannot stand. We can, when drama arises, step back, assess, see if we are truly seeing (the shamanistic practice of discernment) or are reacting; discern if we are learning, growing, or just falling back on old patterns. This is the art of impeccability, being true to ourselves.

Remember, we come into this life naked and alone; we will leave it naked before the Creator despite whatever material things are heaped around us, and our atonement - - at-one-ment -- will be our own, then, also. The universe responds to our wants (intent) and needs (perception of self). Unfortunately, these are largely formed by society/culture and not usually the product of inner exploration and outward discovery (which is actually the mirror of inner exploration).

So, we set our sights -- and create our reality -- based on premises that are not our own and we are left wanting. We enter relationships with what we think we want and need. The universe knows only truth, perfection as an active principle, and is not deceived. Since we ask for imperfection, we receive perfect imperfection. Since each moment is the Mind Of God, we receive both what we think we want and need and what we truly do -- which is the way toward perfection, or the answer to the riddle we posed.

By facing the false (what we think we want and need), we are given the opportunity to discern what we truly want and need.

There lies the perfection of the perfect imperfection. Which, at heart, is our selves in this world of polarity.

The answer is in ourselves all along. We are perfect mirrors of what we seek, with the questions and the answers all of one piece, our relationships clues toward solving the perfect imperfection.

You Manifest the Mate That Reflects You

The question will I find the perfect mate? is, rather, will I find the perfect me? The answer: It is there all along. It has only to come into being (manifestation) for you to recognize it. That requires you to act and not wait for another who may not materialize, or simply to react. Our personal growth is our own responsibility and cannot be foisted upon another. Our mirrors reflect this progress toward this truth.

Look in the mirror and see what your mirror tells you:

Question: Will I find my soul mate?
Answer: Will you find your soul? (All your relations are soul mates, reflections of different aspects of you.)

Question: Can I find someone to trust?
Answer: Can you (do you?) trust your self?

Question: Will someone ever love me?]
Answer: Will you ever love your self?

Complaint: I don't want to be alone!
Declaration: Then don't be lonely!

Next: As You Change Your Relationships Will Change

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