Story of Unconditional Love and Forgiveness

With my choice to exchange anger for forgiveness, I instantly felt a sense of relief so profound that even my physical body responded with enhanced relaxation. Peace and warmth filled my entire being. I felt more at ease with myself than I could ever recall being in my life up to that point, with the possible exception of a few of the minutes I spent in the light just days earlier.

Unlike my first experience of the light, however, there was no inner divisiveness this time. It felt natural to come to the decision to let go of anger and forgive my brother. Jana explained later that it was easy because all of me--the spiritual, emotional, mental and even physical aspects of my being--willingly participated in making the decision, not just one or two parts of me.

Healing was by no means over once I forgave my brother. It was now time to address the wounded part of me that was still trapped in that old refrigerator--trapped by judgments I had made against myself. Jana helped me through essentially the same steps, although this time it was my own two-year-old self whose eyes I looked into and whose thoughts and emotions I re-experienced.

One of the most astonishing and yet freeing revelations I found in the flow of unconditional love: the certainty that my brother would have acted the same toward anyone, not just me. In that sense, then, what he did really wasn't personal, even though I took it personally because I didn't know any better at the time. This realization answered another question for me. I now knew that I didn't deserve this treatment. How my older brother had behaved toward me did not mean that I was bad or unworthy. That was his stuff, not mine.

Unworthiness, however, was precisely what that little girl, alone in black and airless isolation, had assumed about herself. She already held a limiting expectation about big brothers and how they are “supposed” to behave. (They are supposed to protect little sisters.) She then made a judgment about her own unworthiness based on that expectation. Her big brother never came back to get her. In that little girl’s understanding, if her big brother decided she wasn’t worth protecting, then there must have been something wrong with her. (Our father found me before the oxygen ran out entirely.)

But in the flow of unconditional love, and with Jana’s help, I at last did know better. I began to feel my own worthiness at the emotional and spiritual levels of my being. I also discovered that I had made another major judgment against myself while trapped in that old refrigerator. I determined that I was helpless--a decision that was to have hidden but devastating consequences throughout my life until I made new choices.

What I next opted to do with that new information about myself was very simple. With the help of Jana and my guides, I released myself from those judgments. I could recognize now that they were no longer my personal truth. As Jana pointed out, my entire adult life was one long demonstration of competency and determination, not helplessness. The wonder was that the many and deep-seated fears that resulted from my decision about helplessness hadn't conquered me long ago. And I was far, far more worthy than I had been willing to accord myself, until that moment.

I did so now. I forgave myself for the ignorance that prompted me to put myself into life-threatening peril. I forgave myself for my limiting belief that big brothers are always supposed to be protectors. Sometimes, I now knew, that was simply an impossible expectation to fulfill. I forgave myself for needing my big brother’s and others’ approval. I forgave myself for believing that I was unworthy and helpless.

The act of forgiving self literally wiped these two particular self-judgments about unworthiness and helplessness out of my emotional body. Self-forgiveness freed me to make more accurate assessments regarding my worthiness, my abilities, and my strengths. The sense of being at peace and of wellbeing that began with forgiving my brother deepened even further for me.

Dull no longer, the moth spread her wings and took off as a glorious, multicolored butterfly, soaring to claim God’s light and love for her own.

About this Contributor: C.L. Talmadge, cofounder of the Sattva Institute, is the author of The Vision—Book One of the Green Stone of Healing(tm) epic fantasy series This article is adapted from Hope is in the Garden: Healing Resolution Through Unconditional Love, a nonfiction book she co-wrote and published on emotional and spiritual healing resolution.)