Story of Unconditional Love and Forgiveness

Would you like to feel unconditional love?

With that simple question, Jana Simons commanded my complete attention. It was a hot summer night back in 1986. Both of us were seated on a floating dock on a lake. It was a typical Texas summer evening, the still scorching night air filled with the shrill incessant chorus of cicadas hidden in the thick tangle of bushes and weeds that lined the lakeshore.

Although Jana’s tone may have been nonchalant, her intent and purpose were anything but casual. It was a rather gutsy question to put to a person Jana had known for all of one weekend. But she felt compelled to ask for two reasons.

First, as Jana explained later, she was confronted by my emotional desolation and isolation. They were so palpable to Jana that they reached out and grabbed her heart. It was as though my inner child were weeping audibly and calling out softly to anyone with ears to hear, “She never listens to me.” Jana was listening, intuitively. And she wanted very much to respond to my pain.

My core group of guides formed Jana’s second reason for asking. My guides, also known as angels, had been in Jana’s face ever since we met at the start of the weekend class. My guides were breathing down Jana’s neck, twisting her arm, begging her for help to get through to me. They wouldn’t leave Jana alone.

Jana didn’t have to ask me twice. Right there on the dock, Jana cradled my head in her lap and began speaking softly. As she continued, I saw in my mind’s eye a brilliant blue-white light rise from my chest and reach to my forehead. It seemed to take the shape of an arc. Filled with awe at the beauty of this vision, I understood at some deep level of my being that this light didn’t come from within me, or at least not entirely.

The curve of blue-white light grew in intensity and brilliance until it filled my inner vision field. The darkness of that Sunday evening in late July, the whining of the cicadas along the shoreline, and even the gentle rocking sensation of the floating dock receded quickly. All was light, glorious blazing light that seemed to stop time and take my breath away.

Bathed in this light, I slowly began to be aware of something other than pain, that dull ache in my heart that never went away. By age thirty-two, when I encountered the light for the first time, I had become resigned to that large, empty, vacant yearning space in my chest. I didn't like it, yet I had no idea what to do about it or even that it was possible for me to fill the void and heal the pain.

Bathed in this light, I was experiencing an emotional sensation that felt good, although I had no words at the time for it. What I felt wasn't the least bit similar to disappointment, hurt, grief, anxiety, terror, fear, apprehension, embarrassment, rejection or inadequacy, my constant emotional companions for as long as I could recall.

Tears started to slide down my cheeks into my ears.

“We have waited so long for you to come to us and we are so very glad you are here.” At last my guides spoke directly to me, using Jana’s voice.

Jana gently pressed the palm of her hand down several times onto my chest, over my heart. She continued the message. “Receive this gift of love. It is yours simply because you are¾because you are a created soul. You do not have to do anything to deserve it--it is yours. Allow it to come in.”

As Jana spoke, the arc of light changed slowly from blue-white to golden-white. In that golden-white light--the light of God's unconditional love--I finally experienced peace, joy, and warmth. It seemed unbelievable. With my physical eyes closed tightly, I nevertheless could see this light. More than see it, I experienced that light, recognizing in a muddled way that it signaled God’s presence. Even so, I didn't want to crawl away to hide under some rock of ages. I sensed no judgment from that glorious light. It cherished, enfolded, and uplifted me. All I felt from the light was total acceptance, unlimited, and endless love. My doubts about God’s existence dissolved right then and there.

“Now, Candace,” my guides went on, speaking with Jana’s voice. “Feel your own love--feel all the love within you that you have for self and others.”

All my love? I thought to myself. What love? I don’t have any love, at least not any I am aware of.

Didn't these beings--whoever and wherever they were--realize they were talking to someone who had finally figured out, three years ago at age twenty-nine, that she didn't know how to love? Didn't they know that I had given up on love? I didn't have a clue where to look for it or how to find it. I had lived all of my life--until those moments in the light--feeling unloved and unlovable, like a dull gray moth that yearned to be a glorious butterfly. And now my guides were asking me to feel my own love.

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