The background of our current adult lives comes from the family we grew up in. We talk about Family Ties and we all have them no matter what our family structure was. These Family Ties begin with our childhood authority figures. Usually the strongest authority figures are our family members, particularly those who play strong Mother or Father roles. We all recognize the necessity of having adults teach us as children. As we grow older and go through puberty we begin to break away from these authority figures and develop our individuality.
Becoming AdultsThe ease or dis-ease we accomplish this movement from childhood, through puberty and into adulthood is a testament to the kinds of ties we have with our families. Many of our significant emotional and behavioral patterns come from modeling ourselves after an authority figure from our childhood and are learned behaviors. We may have had religious or spiritual beliefs taught to us that we no longer want to uphold. Our parents and their community's may have practiced social mores that are not the mores we want to live by. And of course, there are a myriad of beliefs we live by that may have come from our role models as children, or from conclusions that we drew before we really had the ability to make good choices and decisions. These learned beliefs, behaviors and emotional patterns may not serve us at all in creating the life we want.
Modeling BehaviorWe often have a parental model that we want to be like. For me it was my father. I liked my father and wanted to be like him. I gravitated to developing into a person that mirrored my father. My father's primary goal in life was to be nice in order to be liked. As I modeled his behavior I set myself up to sometimes pay a price that was too high, just for the sake of being nice.
This behavioral modeling plus the religious teachings I received from both of my parents that to give is better than to receive led me to develop a personality that didn't know how to receive and who gave to the point of being unhealthy because I had never formed healthy boundaries.
Learned Behavior and Adult ChoicesAll of the teachings that we received as children and could not make choices about at that time, we can make choices about as adults. In her book You Can Heal Your Life, Louise Hay says these teachings that don't serve us as adults are “learned nonsense” and we can unlearn them by making the choice to do so and then doing the work to make that happen. The beliefs, emotions, behaviors, mores, spirituality, economics and other aspects of our lives that we want to unlearn can be shed much more easily by Cutting The Ties with our parents or parental models.
Living from the Intention of Higher MindCutting these Family Ties that bind us assists us in becoming more of who we are by unraveling the “learned nonsense”. Through this action we are put more in touch with our Higher Mind so we can live more from its intention. It also allows those we are cutting from to become more of their true selves as it also releases them from these ties. Both entities are released from the emotional buttons created by our family ties. We can develop better boundaries and not place ourselves in the position to give more than we have to give, or to have someone take from us because they didn't learn how to receive in a healthy way.
Advantages of Cutting the Ties with Parental Figures:
- Live more from our Higher Consciousness.
- Heal emotional buttons and emotional reaction patterns.
- If it's a parent cutting from a child, it can help end Empty Nest Syndrome.
- If it's a child cutting from a parent, it can help end the guilt of being who we are and not necessarily who we think our parental models want us to be.
- Helps both people in the exercise to be free to be who they really are as individuals.
- Helps to put us in a position to form better boundaries.
- Helps end any victim role we may be playing.
- Overall it encourages and supports balance in our lives for healthy giving and receiving.