A situation may require a response, but being responsive is not the same as being reactive.
Parents discipline their toddlers with "time outs" when they misbehave or any time they are having difficulty containing their emotions. You can give yourself a time out whenever you feel those reactive emotions beginning to surface.
You cannot change a behavior if you do not first acknowledge it. Take notice of the individuals (relatives, co-workers, neighbors, and others) who are around when reactive feelings erupt. Also, take notice of the types of situations which tend to irritate or anger you. Instead of blaming the other person or giving your power over to a situation you have no control over pull back and try to look at the circumstance as if you were an onlooker viewing it. The onlooker seldom gets emotional, he isn't normally reactive, although he may be slightly amused at the antics of others.
Most things people do or say are not meant as personal attacks. Unfortunately we can wrongly perceive them to be. Your sister-in-law didn't show up to the family reunion with a made-from-scratch apple pie to make your store-bought banana cake look bad. She didn't! And what if she did? So what? Be the bigger person, simmer down, and don't react. Pull back, take a deep breath. Tell her how delicious her pie is (if you like it) otherwise don't say anything. Meanwhile, enjoy spending time with your family. The reunion is not about the food, and for sure the family unit doesn't need the drama.
A less re-active person is a happier one. Now that is probably a truer statement. p image © Brand New Images / Getty Images
