The Tending Instinct

In her book, The Tending Instinct, Shelly Taylor has dissected humans' natural leanings toward nurturing and compassion and peered at them ever so closely under the scientist's microscope.

The Tending Instinct: How Nurturing is Essential to Who We Are and How We Live

Taylor likens human tending to the layers of an onion. She explains that each layer consists of a specific type of tender. The core layer is the mother, the next layer consists of other constant caregivers (the father normally fits into this category). The third layer is the family and close friends. The next layer would be the neighborhood and larger community. Each layer serves as the protector to those that lie closer to the core. Taylor devotes a chapter on each sex (Women Befriending and Men's Groups) explaining how humans react among their own sex. Gender differences are also explored in the nurturing patterns of both women and men in caring for each other. Among other theories Taylor contends that:

• Having lunch for women is more about celebration than food.
• Marriage is the best medicine for men.
• Afterglow following sexual intercourse is a maternal response.

From a health perspective Taylor indicates that the lack of nurturing by parent/s or rather what she refers to as bad tending can contribute to poorer health and shortened life span. Bad tending in the work place by a controlling employer or harassing supervisor can attribute to stress related health risks.

"how well you are treated by your immediate supervisor makes a great difference in the quality of physical and mental health you enjoy... It affects whether you have symptoms of illness, or a risk for coronary heart disease or heart attack, and it affects the likelihood that you will have a psychiatric disorder or and emotional problems such as depression or anxiety."

Mothers, daughters, grandmothers, and wives will typically step in and naturally nurture when a need arises.

• Mothers care for disabled children
• Daughters care for aging parents
• Wives care for disabled or ill spouses
• Grandmothers care for children whose parents are divorced, deceased, or imprisoned.

I enjoyed the general topic of our natural instincts to comfort and support one another, overall I recommend reading The Tending Instinct. Although it was interesting to read the research studies, case histories, and psychological theories, I found myself distracted and disinterested too often. I suppose I found the book to be too textbook-like for comfortable reading. I kept imagining myself sitting rigid in a hardback school chair under the nose of a strict headmaster. To be fair, science was never my favorite subject. I realize that I don't always appreciate the precise detailing involved in scientific research. This is an excellent read for anyone who enjoys delving into scientific reports and is also intrigued by human psychology. Taylor has obviously done her homework, Well done! I give her a B+.

• The Power of Tending
• The Origins of Tending
• The Tending Brain
• Good and Bad Tending
• A Little Help from Friends and Strangers
• Women Befriending
• Men's Groups
• Where Altruism May Reside
• The Social Context of Tending
• The Tending Society

About the Author: Shelly E. Taylor is Professor of psychology at UCLA. World-renowned expert on stress and health. Her work on the "tend and befriend" theory has been presented in the media around the globe.

Awards:

• Outstanding Scientific Contribution Award in Health Psychology
• Donald Campbelll Award in Social Psychology
• Yale University's Wilbur Lucius Cross Medal
• Distinguished Scientific Contribution Award of the American Psychological Association