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Choose for Life

Ask An Intuitive Life Coach

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Reader Question: My name is Deana and I am 17. I recently got married on March 28th of this year. Lately, I have been feeling extremely depressed, but only at night. During the day I am chipper as ever, and it's like nothing could get in my way or stop me. But at night, I have my down time to think to myself, and see how my life is going, and I see nothing good. I am unemployed, I currently don't have a place to live. My husband and I are bouncing around until we can come up with at least $600 along with both of our car payments and his college loan payments. I dropped out of high school because of drug problems that I recently got over, and I feel awful all the time. I feel unattractive and gross around everyone, I have lost the extremely high self confidence I had when I met my husband. I know it's from the 57 pounds I've gained in the past 11 months, which I also hate. My husband doesn't understand what I am going through when I try to talk to him, all he does is try to comfort me and tell me how beautiful I am and how much he loves me. But all it does for me is annoy me. I don't know what to do or who to turn to. Just writing this makes me want to cry for how pathetic my life sounds. I just want a few words of advice. I want out of this rut.

Response from Anandra: Dear Deana,

It sounds like you'd really like a sense of hope. When I read your words, I am struck by the intelligent self-awareness you express, and I'm encouraged by your desire to get out of the rut you're in.

The first thing I'd like to encourage you to do is "choose for life." There is so much promise in your young life, and such a bright spark within you... and your daily, moment-to-moment choices can reflect your investment in your future. Do you choose an apple or a cookie? To watch TV or go for a walk? To listen to sad music or uplifting songs? To gossip or to find the best in people? To complain about what you're not getting, or to ask yourself how you can contribute?

Our lives are a composite of the little choices we make, and you're at the perfect stage to practice making positives ones. Getting out of a rut of bad habits requires choosing to do good habits with the same or greater frequency and intensity as when we chose our previous actions. It doesn't matter where we start, or how harmful and habitual our previous habits were. Each moment is always new, and full of possibility. My article How to Change a Nasty Habit is a helpful read for anyone looking to transform themselves. I hope you will read it and find it helpful.

Secondly, be aware that your hormones can definitely take you on a roller-coaster ride, especially at your age. Your recent weight gain has probably also exacerbated your mood swings. Ultimately, you want to create a balanced body through proper diet and exercise so that the normal hormonal fluctuations (which especially we women have, with our monthly cycle) are not overwhelming.

Then, you can begin the life-long learning process of distinguishing who you really are (your essence, your spirit) from the ups and downs of your mental and emotional states. The ancient arts of yoga, tai chi, qi gong, and many other practices all aim toward this goal, and I'd recommend checking into local resources and see what calls to your heart.

Third, you are 100% empowered to change your life. What you do, how you think, and how you feel about it, is not up to anyone else. Your happiness if fully contained inside yourself. That fact is often simultaneously scary and incredibly liberating. If you don't depend on anyone or anything for your happiness, you're the only one in your way... which I hope inspires you to start "choosing for life" as I described earlier. The accumulation of seemingly small, positive choices will eventually result in a tremendous shift in your experience.

It's great that you have a partner who reflects your beauty and strength back to you. I know it can be frustrating if you don't believe it yourself, but you might want to try listening, and taking it in when he appreciates you! Your annoyance might be a signal of the pain of not seeing yourself. Take his cue, and try closing your eyes and breathing deeply into your belly when he tells you he loves you and that you're beautiful. You might be surprised how healing this can be for your self-image.

Lastly, I assume that if you've recently worked through a drug habit that you've had some kind of professional medical and/or psychological care. Please check in with your caregiver(s) to allow them to support you. I have proposed some simple, natural methods for supporting your internal balance, but obviously I don't know you, the extent of your issues, or whether or not stronger measures (i.e. medication) would be recommended until you can consciously harness your willpower for positive change.

Blessings to you! Tap into your deep desire to live a happy life, and that energy will guide you towards exactly what you need.

Aloha,
Anandra, Intuitive Life Coach

Disclaimer: Anandra's advice is not meant to override your personal health providers' recommendations/prescriptions, but is intended to offer a new perspective and encourage your inner wisdom to guide the best course of action.

Each week, we invite a different intuitive to answer a question from a reader. If you'd like to submit a question for Anandra please email her directly.

Jacqueline Veissid / Getty Images

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