Empty Nest Syndrome

Dateline - 1999

As a mother of three grown children, ages 26, 23, and 21, the empty nest is a fairly new phenomenon in our household. However, it a situation in which I have adjusted to with very few motherhood withdrawal pangs in the beginning stages of this new cycle of family life. I raised my children to be independent in order to prepare them for living on the planet on their own. I expected they would do as well as they have. Other parents have had a rougher time of dealing with the empty nest than I have so I feel it is a worthy topic to discuss. I can only speak of my own experiences and share . I realize that separation stress is a real problem that warrants healing.

The sorrows of missing my children hit me in waves. I discovered that I especially miss my daughter's company during shopping excursions. And, I miss late night conversations with my oldest son after my husband heads off to bed. My youngest son pops over to see me a couple of times each week since he still lives in our town, I enjoy these visits. I find myself wondering if everything is okay with him if more than four days go by without seeing him. Whereas. I have discoverd that I don't worry so much about the other two. Maybe that old saying "out-of-sight out-of-mind" really is true. Or perhaps what you don't know won't hurt you. I'm not given the opportunity to keep tabs on them as closely because of the geographical distance between us.

It helps to convert your children's bedrooms as soon as it is feasible and affordable into practical and usable space. This will keep you from wandering into their rooms and getting melancholy over past times. When Morgan, my oldest went off to college his first year my husband within minutes was willing to take ownership of his room and have it be converted into his den. But I held him at bay, insisting that Morgan not be ousted so easily, he would be home on weekends and school holidays after all. I did find myself wandering into his room occasionally, I would sit on the edge of his bed and have thoughts of him run through my mind. After his first year gone it became easier to accept the idea of clearing out his belongings and converting his room. Morgan didn't come home for visits all that often anyway. With all three of them gone now, we have taken full advantage of all the extra space. Bedrooms once occupied by horizontal teenage bodies in slumber have now been converted into my husband's den, a computer room, and my healing room. Cardboard cartons filled with their childhood belongings are stored in our attic for safe keeping. Now when the kids come to visit the hide-a-bed units in the living room and basement open up for them.

We keep busy with our daily activities and realize that our children also lead full lives. Although I am a practical minded individual, I do have a sentimental side and for me, having family photographs sitting in view in our home are a gentle reminder of having my children near, it warms my heart. Phone calls and email are both convenient ways to communicate with one another.

For some parents empty nest is a fantasy. The Full Nest Syndrome is their reality. Census takers are discovering that high percentages of adult children ages 18-to-24 are still living with their parents.

Update: Empty Nest Revisited