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Is My Husband Cheating on Me?

By August 19, 2010

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Each week, we invite a different intuitive to answer a question from a reader. If you'd like to submit a question for Anandra please email her directly.

Free Advice from Intuitive Life Coach, Anandra George

ask an intuitiveDear Anandra, I feel my husband is cheating on me. Do I have the right feeling or is it just a doubt? I am puzzled.


Dear Mary,

It sound like you'd enjoy a sense of clarity, and I'm guessing that ultimately you'd like to feel secure in your marriage.

Usually, infidelity is a symptom, not a cause. It wouldn't be responsible for me to answer your direct question about whether or not the symptom has manifested, but I can help you address the cause of your discomfort, which is ultimately much more useful to you. I assume that if you've read my bio, looked at my website, asked me rather than a psychic or another healer, you're interested in the cause.

If you're sensing that he's cheating, it's likely that there are some deeper issues of non-fulfillment for you both. Since it's our tendency to look outside of ourselves for fulfillment, it's also likely that he's considering it, or you're considering it, or you both have already had some type of diversion/affair, whether it's at the mental fantasy level, the subtle emotional level, or the actual physical level. So your feeling is probably right, but the question is, at what level of manifestation?

Interestingly, I recently spoke with a friend of mine who used to work on a psychic hotline for 9 years. He said it was like a factory of guessing, reading subtle clues, and employing various methods of "divination," and what people really wanted was not the answers to their various questions, but a sense of peace. In my work as a "life coach for soul evolution," I don't present myself as a psychic; my goal is to empower YOU to read your own intuition, find what you're really seeking beneath the surface of your inquiry, and gain a sense of inner peace that can only come from within... to evolve from seeking outside, to resting inside.

That said, let's address what's arising for you, which will surely be useful to any reader struggling to have discernment with their uncomfortable feelings and warning signal instincts. They are always trying to tell us something. (Always, you say? Yes, always!) And they're always correct. (Always, you say? Yes, always!) There are 2 key things to remember:

  1. They indicate with 100% guaranteed accuracy that something inside of you is disharmonious. It's your job to ask within and have the courage to listen to the real answer (it doesn't always appear to be convenient).

  2. It is 0% guaranteed that the external circumstance you're attaching your uncomfortable feelings to is real. In fact, the stronger your feelings are, the more likely it is that your perception of actual circumstances will be clouded, often by much older, deep-seated belief systems.
So if you can answer #1, and get to the cause of what you really, deeply want to be experiencing, the symptom of whether or not he's cheating (#2) will be less relevant, and if it has happened, those actions can eventually be viewed as a symptom of the cause, a strategy to meet needs, regardless of how misguided and painful that strategy might be.

In my experience, a woman's tendency in a situation like this will be to focus on him; speculating about what he's doing, what he wants, what you're not giving him, why he might be seeking outside... all of which chip away at your self-esteem and cause you to lose sight of your own inner feelings. The fact that you posed your question as you did indicates to me that you might not be spending enough time sitting with yourself, inquiring, sensing, feeling, connecting with what you really want, with what's deeply true for you.

Is your marriage fulfilling to YOU? Have you asked yourself lately what elements might be missing for YOU? What could be developed in your life independently, as well as in your relationship, that would contribute to a sense of fullness? When you are clear within yourself about what you'd like to experience, you can bring that to the table and discuss creative strategies with him to build the foundation of your marriage, deepen a sense of mutual purpose, engender trust, and open the lines of communication for you both to express what you'd like to see evolve in your relationship.

Everyone is Getting Cheated

I have worked extensively with people on all sides of this issue. The "cheater," the "cheated-upon," and the one with whom the "cheating" took place. And believe me, they're ALL getting cheated - out of honesty, integrity, peace of mind, and ultimately the freedom to enjoy rich, fulfilling relationships, both with a primary partner, and with the many other people with whom they have a natural affinity.

It takes a high degree of emotional maturity, communication, and integrity, but as preventative relationship medicine for you and anyone else reading this, it's wise to address specific boundaries with inevitable affinity, affection and attraction to others in your relationship agreement, and to address the cause with more vehemence than the symptoms if there have been challenges.

I wish you courage to ask yourself the deep questions, and a heart that's big enough to contain this whole learning experience with grace ... be well!

Intuitive Life Coach

Disclaimer: Anandra's advice is not meant to override your personal health providers' recommendations/prescriptions, but is intended to offer a new perspective and encourage your inner wisdom to guide the best course of action.

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March 1, 2011 at 4:47 pm
(1) Teri says:

Thank you Anandra – This is what I got from this:

something inside of you is disharmonious


what I think IS the problem is most likely NOT – it is some past deeper issue I need to address in me

How the heck do you figure it out? How do you sort through to identify what is driving this?

March 14, 2013 at 1:33 am
(2) Dr Claude Windenberger says:

We can only feel about others (and express it in words such “my husband is cheating on me” or “my wife is cheating on me”) what we feel about ourselves (but are unwilling to look at). Well if we are unwilling to look inside and become honest about what’s really going on in there, there is no other way than seeing it through the mirror others provide for us. That’s why the closest relationships are usually the hardest.
My answer to commenter Teri would be: there is no need to find the driver of the feeling, just willingness to be free from the unwanted negative emotion that is being experienced and unfortunately causally associated with the feeling that “someone is cheating on me”.

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